Washer Woes…
My washer is broken and it really sucks. I have a ridiculous amount of laundry to do but I can’t do any of it. On the bright side the reason it is still broken is because the maintenance guy at my apartment told me that if I can hold off until Tuesday (well Monday technically but schedule dictates Tuesday) I can get a brand new washer. Apparently the ones we currently have are so old the parts are going obsolete and are therefor more difficult to find and the complex just got a budget for new appliances. Good timing for my washer to die I think. So, I am sucking it up until Tuesday, then I will come home from work, bask in the awesomeness of the new washer and do boat loads of laundry…yay? Is it sad that my life has fallen so low that I am excited about a new washer? I guess that is an entirely different matter.
My sister is coming out in less than a week! I am excited and so looking forward to it. I need a break from life and this will hopefully be exactly what I need. I feel bad because I can’t get days off from work but the reason is valid and I will explain it sometime later, whatever the case I have sadly limited how we can spend time here but my sister is awesome with finding stuff to do even in time limits so it will be great. We at least have some basic plans already set up, the fair, a free concert, I am sure she has found a bunch of other stuff. It also kind of depends on the weather, she is excited for the rain but it can limit our options as far as stuff to do goes. I am sure another cooking adventure will take place, I think there was a deal that this time she would cook for me and I will absolutely call her on since I love home cooked food but I hate the effort it requires. I am a generally lazy person, I get bored with it but the output of energy usually just isn’t any fun. Of course it always depends but my preferred thing to do is sit on the couch and watch movies or play games, things that don’t require much, its sad but true. Anyway, sister’s visit…should be good fun my current challenge is to get that room straight (also made worse because of the washer situation), she says she would be good so long as there is a bed and a path to it but I really want to do better than that so I am trying. I have made a decent amount of progress, at this point I can probably get the space for the bed and the path but I am trying to do more, it is not so easy, husband has a bunch of stuff that he *still* has not sorted even though he keeps telling me he will be getting it done. I think I am just going to try to condense it down into the minimum number of boxes and just throw it somewhere…like at his head 
We will see how it all goes I guess.
Back to Normal…
I broke 500 views and I wasn’t even here posting every day, that’s kind of nifty, thanks.
So hubby is currently flying back to California. I am sad to see him go and I am happy to report that he seemed a bit reluctant to leave as well. I think, though this visit started out very rocky, this was exactly what we needed. We started out fighting a bit, well, not so much fighting I suppose but I was crying and he was feeling bad, we just started the visit out badly but then again maybe not. We started the visit out talking, we talked about some things that needed to be talked about and said some things that needed to be said. After that first day things got better. Honestly we had a great time as far as I am concerned (I won’t speak for him, as far as he told me he had a great time), we relaxed, we had fun and we were just happy. A lot of time was spent sitting at home watching Roseanne but that’s ok because it got us laughing together again…a lot. We made a few adventures out, we went to a corn maze (which was something I was surprised to discover he had never done and he ended up having fun with), we took a midnight drive like we used to, we went wandering places, we just did seems as they struck our fancy. It was so nice and so relaxed and so different from what we were. It was really nice to see what we were when the stress was taken away, we aren’t fighting like we used to because those stressors are no longer in the equation and though there was some odd feelings and thoughts we still managed to just hang out and enjoy each others company like we never have before. I remember why I married him and why I am fighting so hard to keep him. I needed this visit to go well to recharge but I needed it to go well without me forcing it to, and it did. He listened to me when I commented about how much he was texting and he let up, he helped me keep things clean and he even took over cleaning the cat box (I just made sure to hold up the agreement I suckered him in to a while ago 
). Things with us in our own place are really fun. By the end of the visit he was saying he wanted to stay at least for a bit longer because it was so much less stress and so nice here. He isn’t decided on if he is ready to move here or not and honestly, that’s ok. We talked, I understand more where he is coming from and what he is trying to achieve. I understood it before but it was hard because some of the things he was trying to explain weren’t coming out right and I didn’t entirely know where he stood. Things are different when you are face to face with someone, it’s easier to talk and be properly understood. Anyway, I have better ideas of his progress and what he is doing and how things are going and I am better than I was. I think I have reached a point with this visit that either way it goes I can be ok. Obviously if it ends I will be very unhappy but with this visit I saw that I have done what I could. I realized I have fixed a lot of the stuff that I saw in myself that I knew was causing problems. I have done everything I can and he is doing what he can. If we don’t work it won’t be for lack of trying, it will just be because we ran into something we couldn’t fix. I won’t have to spend time thinking about what I did wrong or what I could have changed because the answer to that is nothing, I have done what I can and fixed what I could. I realized I was causing problems and I worked to fix them, obviously it would have been nice to catch some stuff before it cause problems but we didn’t and that’s no one’s fault either. I have hope that we will still end up together, I still want to and won’t ever say I don’t want us to, but I got a certain sense of closure and comfort from this visit that I needed and honestly I hope will make things easier for me to handle and will in turn make me easier to get along with and handle as far as he is concerned. We are both learning so much about ourselves and honestly, we are learning a lot about each other.
PS: I finally really got to cook for him, I just made stew and he seemed to enjoy it but we had made a deal a while ago (we make a lot of deals) that he would have to cook for me. He made amazing barbeque chicken, I have some pieces left to take for lunch tomorrow and I am so excited because it is super good. Just the random thought of the moment that I had no idea where else to put…
So I went back to work today after the couple of days of leave I took for hubby and now I don’t really know what’s going on. I have been kind of confused since my sister came to visit, I was taking off as soon as I could from work, took days off or half days for airport trips and to actually spend time with her. Now the visits are over, no more half days to pick up people and no more days off or any other nonsense. I can now get back into work and continue my attempt to make a good impression, learn more and promote faster. Anyway, there is stuff going on in my shop that I had no idea about until yesterday but luckily I am still new and not really responsible for it. I pretty much float and try to absorb as much stuff as possible so it wasn’t too bad that I had people here and was distracted. I was absorbing a bunch of stuff today and we have tons of teaching to do for the next week so I may end up teaching a class or a piece of a class soon as many times as I am seeing them taught. Hopefully I do well and hopefully the groups are as small as they were today, I can deal with teaching 6 people at a time that just feels a little more relaxed. So, here’s hoping this is a good week, it is sounding pretty decent for now…well except for the cold part…it’s really cold here right now, I love the rain but I am just not used to it, I will be sure to wear better clothing tomorrow…
Monsters…
My cat has been turned into a needy whiny little monster! I love him but jeeze, he is always under my feet an has to follow someone, and always nuzzling and always wanting constant attention and waking me up throughout the night for attention, it was nice that he was so loving at first but it is getting annoying. I am hoping that it is just him happy to be back with me and getting used to the new place, otherwise I need to figure out how to train him and see if it is possible to make him a little less needy. I think once the other cat gets here he will be better, he will have someone to play with and keep his attention. He hasn’t been the only cat in a really long time so maybe that’s it.
Went to Seattle with my sister yesterday. We walked…a lot. It wasn’t bad. We started out at the Sci Fi museum which was interesting. My sister was upset because I didn’t remember half of the stuff from in it so we rented a couple of movies last night to jog my memory and she says she is going to make a list of stuff I haven’t seen or don’t remember because it was just getting sad, lol. We went from the Sci Fi museum to hunt down lunch which ended up being down by the water at some nice hotel. I can’t remember the name of it but it had good food. After that we wandered to Pike Market Place. We didn’t see any fish throwing but it was still a fun interesting place, lots of little shops and a big farmer’s market. It wasn’t too crowded but there was still enough people to make it really lively. Actually, the entire time we were walking around we were commenting on how quiet the whole city was. It may be because we were there on a Sunday and a lot of things seemed closed on Sunday (in the morning at least), but the whole place just seemed so nice. Lots of clean and pretty buildings and lots of cute mom and pop shops instead of big chains. Anyway, we finally went back to the Space Needle after the market and I have to say, it is a lot shorter than I expected. We definitely saw some pretty views but we really didn’t stay up there too long, just long enough. We went and finished up the Sci Fi museum after that and then it was time to somehow find my way out of the parking lot and head home. It was a long day, lots of walking and I was wiped out but it was really pretty fun. I am glad I have finally been to Seattle. The plan for today is to make it to the Puyallup fair. I think it is kind of like the Orange County fair so hopefully it will be fun. Today is supposed to be a military appreciation day too so it is free for me and hopefully her too.
I am getting snippy at hubby. I probably shouldn’t but things are just so screwy right now that I just can’t hold everything back. I hate the situation, I hate the shift it has taken, I hate that I can’t even really text him anymore because he barely responds because of other stuff going on. The stupid little girl has gotten messed up yet again and once again he is the one who has to help her. They were going to check on his tools so he could get them ready for work and she somehow managed to jam her ankle between the seat and the door and sprain it. Honestly I don’t know how that happens, I just can’t picture it but whatever the case she did it so now he is driving her everywhere because her car is a manual and he is taking care of her. Stupid little girl that I was told never really gets sick or injured has had way more illnesses and injuries recently than anyone I know. It is seriously ridiculous and of course when he is playing her hero I can’t talk to him because all of a sudden he is busy driving and doing stuff for her. Ugh, it is all just stupid, he can’t control her getting hurt, I know this, and she is his friend (even if she is damaging the marriage) and he always wants to take care of his friends, all friends, whenever he can, that still doesn’t mean I have to like it. Really I think I just keep being mean because I want him to hurt. I want some sign that he is hurting even slightly especially since I am hurting so much. I want to hurt him because he is hurting me and I don’t know. I am probably a crazy monster myself but I can’t stop how I feel about it all, just try to handle it and give him whatever warning I can and hope that he can handle me.
They’re Here…
I woke up at 0630 again, at least I was productive with my time today. I ended up getting the guest room all set up and pretty and even realized that I forgot I didn’t have a comforter or pillow for my sister. So I made a run to Wal Mart before I had to go pick her up and grabbed some stuff. I then came home and cleaned and organized more, I even managed to get all of the trash and boxes taken out. Overall everything pulled together and the morning was a pretty good one, though I still think I would have preferred sleep.
My sister is now here and so is my cat. The cat is wandering around confused and figuring it all out. He is cute and cuddly as ever, I missed him and am glad he is here but now I have to worry about him trying to bolt out the door. I will admit it was pretty nice to not have to worry about that for a while. So far during the visit my sister and I have made it out to a movie and I have introduced her to Cold Stone. We rented some other movies and are now watching Sharks in Venice…its a B flick, if that…really funny to watch and great to make fun of in case anyone is ever interested but if you expect anything beyond that you will regret it. I think tomorrow we may hit up the fair and maybe at some point go to Portland and obviously Seattle. Other than that not a whole lot planned yet, other than me cooking tonight. Yay lemon caper chicken with artichokes!
Dragging…
I woke up way early today, it was odd and irritating. I went to bed later than usual so I have no idea why it happened, first I woke up at 0530 then went back to bed somehow then woke up again at 0630. Bleh, I couldn’t go back to bed after that one and have been up since. I had some weird dreams again, not bad really just…odd, no idea where they came from but I am not even going to give it much thought, I am tired of trying to figure out what my mind is up to. I haven’t been particularly productive with my time either. I went shopping, got some food to cook for my sister, put up a shower curtain in the guest bathroom because life sucks with out a shower curtain, then that’s about it. I am making lunch and will soon attempt to get the guest room somewhat together so she will have a room to sleep in instead of sleeping on the couch. At least that way she can have privacy and I won’t wake her up with my early morning stupid sleep schedule. I want to get the room done but I am not sure I will, I told her she would be helping if I didn’t and she seems fine with it but still, I should probably be polite and do it before she gets here. I just got really tired. Before my goal was to get food, I didn’t have any breakfast stuff so I had to shop, now that is done and I made a smoothie and am waiting for actual food I just want to nap, I am dragging so much right now.
Hubby got his job. We are now trying to figure out a way for him to come up here and drop off his cat plus have some time to visit before he starts work. I think he may end up overlapping with my sister which she may be very unhappy about and may cause some problems but I don’t know what to do, the cat needs to get here and soon and I really need to talk to him and find out what the hell is going on. He says he wants to talk to me in person if there is a chance he will be visiting so some talks have been put on hold which is a bit irritating. Oh well, not a lot for me to do about it, just sit back and try to deal with whatever complications he gives me…
HOME!
I am home and so happy. I came home and a world kind of fell apart but I am trying to get it all together again, it isn’t necessarily my world but it is connected. It’s all about money, money money and it sucks. I need money to pay off my stuff and some of his so it doesn’t ruin my credit and ruin me in general, I need to make sure his license doesn’t get suspended, I need to buy a plane ticket so I can get his cat out here because there is no where else for it to go…so many broken pieces to put into new places…
I was feeling really negatively about my marriage and it’s potential, I thought I had found someone who would give me hope and instead they did the opposite. Amazing what you find out about people in small conversations. Anyway, I was really unhappy and worried and had even called hubby and had a small discussion with him and then we made an appointment for tonight when he could call after he found a place to stay and I signed online. I came to check my blog and ended up with a comment from someone that actually gave me hope. Originally it was about a picture that I was using (sorry about that) that I took down but he commented about my blog and my relationship and gave me some hope. I must say 28 years sounds like a pretty successful marriage to me. So in a way, I am sorry for not getting proper permission for that picture, then again, if I hadn’t done that I would still be at a really low point and have virtually no hope for my marriage so, I’m really not sorry anymore. Thank you for that comment, it came at just the right time. Amazing how such small things you do can lead to such interesting turn outs, I remember when I was looking for the picture that I was hoping it wouldn’t cause any problems, I just took it off of google, happy coincidences.
I should be getting my cat soon! I am happy because I miss him but that is also another chunk money I am going ot have to pay. I figure if my mom pays me back for replacing the tire on her corvette that should take care of the pet deposit, and the extra money I am spending will just mean I have to be super tight on money. That should be interesting since my sister is coming out but we will just have to see. I may end up having to ask my mom for a little help, though I really absolutely hate to do it and will do everything I can to avoid it.
Poor Little Boy…
Aw, poor, silly little boy, did you think that your opinion really mattered to me? Unfortunately you are mistaken. You have asked me what I thought of you and your attitude and I responded, I told you that you were an extreme hypocrite and it annoyed, you are and it does. You tell me to walk away from my situation while you are in virtually the same one and won’t walk away yourself. As far as I am concerned you have invalidated your own advice if you are not only unwilling to follow it or even admit that you are in the same situation but unable to. Being in the same situation one would think you would gain understanding yet you still try to stand on your little tower and look down on the world and get annoyed when no one listens. As I said last night, your nose is so high I really hope you walk into a pole.
Anyway, on with real life. I got my apartment clean! Yay, it was a bit messy, laundry and stuff to and needed a good scrub down and I figured I would do it before I left so I could come back to a clean place. I still need to finish unpacking, I got a few more boxes put away and now I have to clear out the packing materials so it actually looks like I made progress. I have a bunch of my husband’s childhood stuff, a lot more than I originally thought, so I am not sure what to do with it. I could try to ship it back to him but I will probably just wait until he figures out what he wants to do. This week is going to be crazy, honestly I kind of just want it done with already, part of me is so over it, but then the other part is kind of a little excited and nervous. It shall be interesting, hopefully I don’t mess up. On the bright side I now have less to do when I come home.
Apparently my mom is not coming up here when she planned. The apartment is going to take longer than she thought to rehab so she says she just can’t leave it. She is still planning to send my sister up so at least I will get a visit with her, which is nice. She says she will still come up, it will just have to be later. I wonder if she will bring my sister when she comes or if she will come alone? I love her but I hope she brings my sister, a buffer is a good thing, especially as off as things are at the moment. We are still trying to figure out what to do about getting hubby up here for a visit. My mom and his Aunt both say they will buy him a one way ticket up here but nothing back which in their mind is the perfect solution. Unfortunately it complicates things. Him visiting wasn’t just going to be a time to help him decide what he wanted but me too. It would be a good way to help me see what is going on and just check in, not to mention get the whole phone situation resolved. Whatever, I guess I may just pay for his ticket back or a round trip or something, I don’t know, it will get figured out eventually. The one good thing about my mom not coming is I was going to be changing my phone plan while she was here because she offered to buy me an Iphone which was part of why I wanted him up at the same time. Now she is saying she may just give me the money so I can try to get him up here later and handle everything that way.
Not Good, Not Bad, Just Different…
I just had an awesome breakfast, ham, eggs and potatoes. The potatoes were a bit salty but overall it was a good breakfast and I am now a very fat and content person. I even got to sleep in a little, nothing like I used to but better than normal. My show of choice during breakfast this morning: CSI, lol, I am an oddball.
So do we remember how I said I was excited about my mom coming back because something would happen, one way or the other? Well last night she stayed up late to talk my husband and spent about an hour and a half talking to him, as of Thursday he is no longer living at her house. He has basic ideas of what he will do but nothing solid, just an idea of where to live but nothing about where to work or how to get around. I am really hoping he lives with his Aunt, I think she might be the better choice, a little more stable than anything else (other than coming up here of course which he won’t do). My mom offered him a deal that whenever he wanted to move up here she would pay for his uhaul up so long as I was still willing. He of course still has no idea if he will be coming up here or when he would be coming up here but at least there is some change in the situation.
Unfortunately my mom has postpone the family trip out here. She has decided she can’t afford airline tickets for Labor Day but she can for normal, non holiday weekends. She will instead hopefully be coming up the weekend of the 25th. It’s a long way off and I am a little bit disappointed but there is really nothing I can do about it. I am sure work will keep me busy, we have a ton of stuff to get ready for, so hopefully the time will pass quickly. I have no idea if hubby will be coming out on the trip anymore, I think she will still buy him a ticket because she is really hoping he will straighten out and we will work out, but I don’t know if he will take her up on it. He doesn’t seem to be angry about the whole situation so he might, I guess it is another thing to wait and see. She also said that when she flies out she will be flying my cat out, she says I need the comfort and I guess that is easier than me driving him out here. The only problem now is what do I do when I go home for the two weeks? I might be driving with him anyway, just both ways now.
Cuteness of the day, thanks to my sister and stumbleupon:
Hopelessly lost…
Is my idea of marriage too old fashioned? I think I have just discovered that I am in a lower level than the rest of my husband’s family. He will work to improve his relationship with them even if there is potentially no possibility of it becoming a good relationship and they aren’t looking to improve it because they don’t see any issues, but he can’t give me the same courtesy. He will fight for a relationship with them but not with me. I married to be a part of someone’s family, not to be a little bit less than that person’s family. When I married him he was on a level of importance right with the rest of my family, I will put just as much effort into making my relationship with him work as I would with any of the rest of my family, perhaps even more in some cases. Maybe in the end I expect too much and my ideals are just too old fashioned or I am just too hopeless of a romantic. I don’t even know anymore.
My stuff got here, I have been unpacking. Hubby didn’t really sort it, you can tell he didn;t put much effort into it and waited until the last minute (even if he hadn’t called me during the process I could tell), he has a bunch of his stuff mixed it, stuff from when he was a kid that his parents kept. That means he didn’t even really look at the boxes very closely, just told the movers to pack it because all of that stuff was entirely separate from mine. Now I not only have my stuff that I don’t know what to do with but a bunch of his stuff too, great. I am mad enough in general that I would just throw it out, that is if I let my emotions take over, but I am logical too and know that childhood stuff can’t be replaced. I will store it until whenever I suppose, I just have to figure out where to store it. Having all of my stuff just all of a sudden seems to have put more stress in my life. I don’t really know why, all of a sudden I have furniture that I need to get refinished, glass to fix, stuff to unpack and clean, not enough space to put stuff, book shelves to buy, a ton of trash and recycling to take out…it was easier when there was nothing. Empty and lonely, yes, but easier. Oh well, not much can be done about that I suppose except to just work through it.
I keep hitting this wall, I start to work on stuff and then I just get so exhausted and overwhelmed and I just want to go to bed. That isn’t good because I have to do stuff before the family comes out, if they are coming out, I don’t even think they have plane tickets yet. Whatever.
