Habitat for Humanity
So hubby and I went with my shop to go do some volunteer work. A while ago I set it up so we could all go to help out with Habitat for Humanity. Yesterday there was a minor panic because they tried to cancel on me and tell that the person who schedule me accidentally scheduled me for Monday instead of today. Luckily the man in charge of the build said he would try to find stuff for us to do and let us help today. There ended up being enough for us to do and I actually had some fun. The rest of the group seemed to complain a bit but that’s ok, I think that is just the way we all are when we get together. Anyway, we got to do a lot of shoveling, they had a whole plan for us set for Monday but since we came earlier it was just a kind of whatever they could find for us. It worked out, we got in some volunteer work, got a day off of work and got in some good exercise. I think this whole week has been good for exercise with the picking up around the base and today.
Hubby and I woke up really early today and finally finished off the Uhaul. We had to turn it in today and we just barely got it all cleaned out and set. We originally thought we would be able to borrow a bit of storage from our friend but apparently she decided that wouldn’t work so we had to last minute run to get a storage at the Uhaul shop. We have a month free because of the one way rental so hopefully we can get it cleared out before that month is up. The ability to clear it out has a lot to do with hubby managing to find a job so hopefully that happens within the month time frame. We also have to unpack a bunch of stuff that is all over the apartment. Hubby says he plans to work on one or two boxes a day minimum for now until we can get through all of it. We are also planning to trash and donate a lot of stuff so I think this is going to be a long process. Oh well, hopefully we can clear out what we need to and be happy in a nice comfy clean apartment.
This Third Floor Thing is Gonna Suck…
He is here! He finally made it here lateish in the night but that didn’t stop us from going out to a nice dinner. I dressed up for him before he got here and met him at the gate, once he parked the truck we were off because we were both starving. We were both tired but we still had fun and seemed to be happy. We didn’t talk about anything deep or heavy, just light fun topics. Today is the day that we are going to go crazy trying to unpack the stupid truck. I am absolutely not looking forward to it but unfortunately it is a necessary evil. At least at the end of that I get to have a bunch of my old stuff back and hopefully discover some things that I have been missing. And, luckily, he got extra days for the truck so if we don’t get it all done today it won’t be a problem for anything except maybe parking in my complex. Meh, worst case scenario we go park it at Wal Mart or something. But the extra days are good because we are having dinner tonight with some friends so not having to stress about having it all done at a certain time is good. I have tomorrow off as well so it gives me an extra day to help unpack. This is one of those weekends that I am going to be cursing the fact that I live on the third floor…boo. Anyway, I am currently letting the poor boy sleep in for a bit considering he has been in a truck for a while and was exhausted from driving and before that had been on couches since I left, I think he is quite happy to have a nice big bed to sleep in.
Hopelessly lost…
Is my idea of marriage too old fashioned? I think I have just discovered that I am in a lower level than the rest of my husband’s family. He will work to improve his relationship with them even if there is potentially no possibility of it becoming a good relationship and they aren’t looking to improve it because they don’t see any issues, but he can’t give me the same courtesy. He will fight for a relationship with them but not with me. I married to be a part of someone’s family, not to be a little bit less than that person’s family. When I married him he was on a level of importance right with the rest of my family, I will put just as much effort into making my relationship with him work as I would with any of the rest of my family, perhaps even more in some cases. Maybe in the end I expect too much and my ideals are just too old fashioned or I am just too hopeless of a romantic. I don’t even know anymore.
My stuff got here, I have been unpacking. Hubby didn’t really sort it, you can tell he didn;t put much effort into it and waited until the last minute (even if he hadn’t called me during the process I could tell), he has a bunch of his stuff mixed it, stuff from when he was a kid that his parents kept. That means he didn’t even really look at the boxes very closely, just told the movers to pack it because all of that stuff was entirely separate from mine. Now I not only have my stuff that I don’t know what to do with but a bunch of his stuff too, great. I am mad enough in general that I would just throw it out, that is if I let my emotions take over, but I am logical too and know that childhood stuff can’t be replaced. I will store it until whenever I suppose, I just have to figure out where to store it. Having all of my stuff just all of a sudden seems to have put more stress in my life. I don’t really know why, all of a sudden I have furniture that I need to get refinished, glass to fix, stuff to unpack and clean, not enough space to put stuff, book shelves to buy, a ton of trash and recycling to take out…it was easier when there was nothing. Empty and lonely, yes, but easier. Oh well, not much can be done about that I suppose except to just work through it.
I keep hitting this wall, I start to work on stuff and then I just get so exhausted and overwhelmed and I just want to go to bed. That isn’t good because I have to do stuff before the family comes out, if they are coming out, I don’t even think they have plane tickets yet. Whatever.
Can I just sleep please?
My blog seems to have lost people’s interest, my stats are down, pity.
Why can’t I sleep in? I mean really, getting up at 630 is not what is supposed happen on the weekend. Whatever, I guess it means I am up in time for my stuff to be delivered, hopefully it shows up early. Then maybe I will still have time to make it to the car show, I just need to figure out how late it runs. Actually I probably won’t be able to make it to the car show, I will probably be unpacking and trying to figure out what I have. I saw one car at the store and I am pretty sure it was from the museum or at least some hoe connected to it because it had a LeMay license plate on it. It was a pretty old car, of course I don’t know anything about cars so I can’t say much about it but it was nice. Edit: ok, googling it was apparently a 1929 Ford, nifty.
I made my chicken cacciatore last night but I ended up not eating any of it. I was tired by 700 so I ended up waiting for it to finish cooking and then putting it in the fridge. I am going to have some today for lunch and then dinner and every meal after until it is gone, lol. Should last me into the week and be good for lunch some days at work.
I was thinking about it last night and I really need to start saving money. My account is starting to get low which I knew was going to happen but it always makes me a little weird when I watch my money go down like that. Anyway, I need to save so I will be able to drive back to California and hang out for a couple of weeks then drive back not to mention put down a pet deposit so I can get my cat up here. I miss him but I am glad he isn’t here right now, it would be a pain getting everything moved in and unpacked with him running around and trying to get out the door.
Too much thinking, I can’t sleep right anymore. Obviously I keep waking up early but I keep waking up throughout the night too. I have figured out some stuff that I needed to figure out finally which is good. He has an interview on Monday apparently which bugs me but there isn’t anything I can do about it. I keep hoping that he won’t get a job and will end up moving up here but I guess that is just stupid. Maybe this is what he needs, get a job and support himself for a bit, or something. I don’t know, I am skeptical about everything but that is just me. Ugh, is it so hard for him to want to be in this marriage?! I stuck around and dealt with it when I was having issues but he can’t offer me that same courtesy. And what happens if he does move up here? How long will it be before we recover? If we recover…Too many questions and no answers and it is driving me insane, stupid boy. I am so tired of boys, I want a man, someone grown up and respectful and caring who actually wants to be with me with out second guessing. It shouldn’t be this hard, it really shouldn’t and I have no idea why he is making it so hard and why he did it now, he couldn’t figure this out before we got married?! Blarg, I guess maybe it isn’t all his fault, maybe it is just how he feels instead of a situational thing that he hasn’t handled and he isn’t as bad as I make him out to be but I just want a decision. My mom was buying tickets for the trip here and he panicked and called me about it. What was I supposed to do? It’s a week out, of course she is going to try to buy the tickets, you can’t postpone everything forever. At least under pressure he said he would come up but then she decided to hold of so she could look for better dates so now he is back to thinking. You would think it is the most difficult worst decision in the world, like it is so absolutely horrible to come up and see me for four freaking days. Even if I was emotionally in the same boat and I had a decision to visit for four days or stay home I would take the visit without hesitation. I don’t even think he understand how much him not making that small decision hurts on top of the fact that he won’t make the big decision. I know he isn’t doing it on purpose and he is struggling but he makes it so much worse on us. I wish I could sleep, I honestly just want to sleep until this whole thing is done and stop being stuck walking such a tight line.
One of those not so bad FML days…
Today wasn’t so bad and yet it was. I hate those days. At first it was ok, then I ended up leaving late and getting stuck in crappy traffic. I also had to call the moving company because the driver has yet to call me back. Originally I thought he would be here Thursday (today) or Friday, apparently now he will be here Saturday morning. Had he called me instead of me having to call his main company I could have tried to change it but he still hasn’t called me (even though the guy I talked to today said he would tell him to call me again) and that has messed up my Saturday. I was planning to go to that car auction thing but apparently that might not be happening. Not to mention I just lost a day of unpacking and I don’t get to sleep in because he wants to drop off in the morning. Now I am also back to thinking about this whole marriage thing and am just frustrated. Ugh, I just want it all to be dealt with. At least I have figured out a time line, if things don’t start improving divorce papers will be filed and I have a date in my mind. As far as anything before that, I don’t know, I am seriously considering going to try to get some dates and trying to decide what will be my limit…again…I am so tired of this BS. I was so happy to be putting my life on track with the military and now it is in shambles again, just in a different way, thanks honey. What a great start to my”birthday” weekend…
I am too tired to cook which is fine because I don’t have anything to cook anyway. I need to figure out what to make this weekend and maybe figure out what I will be making for the week that may be able to become lunch for work. Luckily it is a short week so less to do and less meals to plan.
My mom is apparently pulling her usual hi expectations BS, telling my husband if he doesn’t paint the entire apartment in 2 days they aren’t coming up here. I told him to not worry about it, he doesn’t even care about coming here to visit and I don’t want to be something to hold over someone’s head. I want her to visit and bring people but not if she is using me as her tool or motivation. I am sure she will still be coming up whether it gets done or not, we will see.
Another day and a few more dollars…
PT today wasn’t too bad. I feel like I lost any progress I made before but that’s ok, I made it through and that’s all that matters. Work was pretty much just another day. Apparently they are going to have me start teaching classes next month. I am a bit nervous but I have to do it so at least I have a month to prepare.
I am on a random Miley Cyrus kick. A lot of people don’t like her but I do, I think she has a unique voice and she knows how to use it. She is also fun and upbeat which is nice right now. I need to get something to play my Ipod in my car clearly, I am tired of the fuzziness, it’s driving me insane. I also don’t have many CD’s here yet so I am limited.
My stuff should be here tomorrow or Friday!! I am excited, I can get my music, and my desktop and figure out what my apartment needs. I will probably spend part of the weekend unpacking and the other part at the Lemay car show and auction. It sounds interesting, I am just hoping it is as good as it sounds.
My mom is back in Cali. I am super excited about that too and I am not sure why. It could be because it means she will be here soon and that is happiness, or it could be because I have this feeling that her visit will cause something to happen. A guess a piece of me is just waiting for her to act like a catalyst, I don’t know if she will trigger something good or bad but it will be something and I can’t wait to find out. Hopefully it will end this state of neutrality, it’s not good because we aren’t sure what will happen but it isn’t bad because it isn’t over yet, maybe neutrality isn’t the right word but it’s what I am going with for now. Hopefully it ends with her visit, lol. Hopefully she triggers something with one of us, or both. Honestly I don’t think it will take much to push me over the edge anymore but I can’t seem to push myself, I am not even sure if she could give me the type of push I need but we will see. Part of me wishes that we were the people who refused to divorce, we would stick together through anything no matter what. A guy I work with is like that. It can be good because no matter what you will keep going together, unfortunately the down side is if you aren’t in love or aren’t truly happy then you force yourself to stay simply because you don’t believe in divorce. I can’t do that and wouldn’t force anyone else to, that would just be silly and cruel to me. I wonder if people just generally worry too much about the future and that is what kills them. So many people stress about is this the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, is this the right choice? I think the whole point of life is to be happy in the moment. You get one time around, be happy, stop stressing and be happy. Obviously there are some things that you have to think about, a career for one, you have to work (most people anyway) and you may as well be happy or at least do something that will cause happiness somewhere in your life and be worth it. Who you marry but I am not talking about worrying if this person is who you will be with forever, just worry about if you have gotten to know them well and they make you well and truly happy at that point in time. The future happens, you can’t always control it and don’t always like it but if you stress forever about finding the one you may miss out on a lot. Be happy, that is the goal of my life.
