Sick!
I hate being sick!! I am stuffy and congested and blah…
I think I am maybe starting to get a bit better but it comes and goes so I have to wait and see. Either way I have to get back to work tomorrow and hopefully be better because I won’t really have a real day off again until the 11th, gotta love the military.
I used to think I would make the military a career, I wanted to be in at least 20 years. Once I got in I still thought that way, it was fun and structured and what I needed and wanted…at the time. I am started to branch out now and thinking maybe I don’t want to do the full 20, maybe now I am capable of being on my own without the tons of structure. I am starting to think of being a teacher again. I had thought of it before and liked the idea but was never really sure but left the idea alone, now I am thinking it might be fun. I have another four years to go on my enlistment which is fine, it’s a lot of time to think but now I am more open to branching out. There are a lot of things to think about like job stability, insurance, where to live and all of the questions that are easily settled by just being in the military, maybe it is all stuff I just decided to avoid by joining the military, it was an easy answer when I couldn’t make any other decisions. We will see how it goes but at least I am finally thinking about other things and I think I am going to start going to school again, not a lot all at once but start on it.
Funny how a couple days of being sick leads to some life decisions, this is what happens with so much time to think. I am also leaning towards waiting on kids. I *really* want them and my family and friends are pushing but I have only just recently hit actual happiness with my husband without all of the crazy stress and issues. We still have stuff to work through but we have finally grown up and are just getting our money together and I want to enjoy it. I will still give him the looks when we pass kids and poke and pester him but honestly, I think just not right now. That also rolls into the potential teaching idea, I want to concentrate on school and setting up my life and though I may not be done with school by the time we have kids I want to at least get everything rolling first, get all of the bills paid off that we can and enjoy some time with just me and the hubby for a bit. I can finally have the honeymoon period I never got, why should I try to cut it short?
The blahs…
Bored! This weekend is just blah. I taught a class Saturday and so that means I should have a free comp day in my future but I don’t want to use it yet. That just messed up Saturday plus hubby and I got in a huge fight which kind of killed the rest of it. Today wasn’t too bad but just so blah. I don’t know, something is just off with me. I want to get out and do things, I want things to go back to happy I just want blah. I don’t even know anymore. Anybody have any tips to fix the blahs?
Sick Saturday
I’m sick, it didn’t go away. I am stuffy and have a sore throat and bleh, can’t wait to teach tomorrow, woo hoo.
Trickery…
Taught classes today, I was tricked, I thought there was only one but apparently there were two. Still, not a bad deal, teach a couple classes and get a day off. I must admit, however, I am extremely tired of teaching classes, only one more next week and I am done for a little while and then after that I shouldn’t be teaching 2 a day again for a while. Now I will take my day of so I can prepare to go home, woot! I am still trying to figure out what my sister and I are doing for my mom’s Christmas gift but she hasn’t responded about it, guess I just have to bug her some more. I also have a friend who is super excited to hang out when I get back so we will see how that goes.
I am down to 4 days before I leave for home. I am excited but nervous, I couldn’t stop thinking last night which made it so it took forever to get to sleep. Hubby says he should have an answer by the time I get there rather than when I leave so I am looking forward to just ending all of the confusion and nonsense. I know I have said that a lot but it is just more and more on my mind the closer I get. I am worried about the answer and yet not, I know I will be ok either way and both paths cause their own stresses and at this point I don’t know if one is any better than the other. Ugh, it will be done soon and then I will finally have progress to report to the great wide internets…
6 More Days!
Weekend, huzzah! I am teaching again on Sunday but that is just a couple of hours and then I will get a day off to make up for it. I figure that day off will be the day before I leave for Cali that way I can take care of last minute things and get ready to go. I am debating doing that or maybe taking off a PT day, though I do really need the PT since it has been a little while. Meh, I will figure it out later for now it is the weekend. Not only that but it is the last weekend before I go back and see my family! By this time next week I will be all set up in my hotel in Cali trying to figure out what to do next…and making sure to pre-order a lovely turkey for Christmas dinner.
Took the coworker to the airport this morning and it actually didn’t go too badly. I had to wait for him after I drove to pick him up because for some reason he hadn’t taken care of everything before he had to leave, I was frustrated and irritated at that but I dealt with it. Once he was finally ready to go it was a quick and easy drive and I got paid for it, gas money plus a little extra and I really need money so it’s all good.
Don’t be so sensitive…
So I think the mouth wash stuff they prescribed to me may be making my teeth sensitive. I also think I have been using it a bit to much because I think I burned the tip of my tongue? Not pleasant so soon I think I may switch to salt water mix or listerine. I also finally got the syringe thing I kept hearing about so that can clean out the holes. I used it, it seems to work so far so yay! I can eat. I think I am still going to stick to softer foods for a while and at work it will still be stuff that I don’t have to worry about cleaning out of the holes. That is just an extra hassle I don’t need at work plus I don’t want to bring that syringe thingy everywhere with me. The Dentist said everything is healing well and it should take about 4-6 weeks for the holes to completely close. A pain but at least there is an end in sight, only another 3-5 weeks left…
I am finally at a point where I am no longer the only one teaching classes. I guess it has been decided that I have had enough training and done enough that the office can go back to normal rotation. I am happy because I was getting a bit tired of being the only one teaching. To be fair I still don’t have my days filled with stuff to do but it just gets tedious. Anyway, I have gotten some good kudos about my teaching so I am happy. I also officially put in for my leave and it has been approved so I am all set to go back to Cali for the holidays, woot! On the not so great side of things I have to drive a coworker to the airport at 3 in the morning on Friday. This guy gets the worst possible flights, I swear. I guess I can’t complain, I volunteered because it means I get money (technically it is gas money but he gives more than what it actually takes so I make a little and I need it) and now he will owe me a favor….well a couple, I have to pick him up at 1130 at night on his return. I kind of like people owing me favors, it is usually comes back nicely in one way or another.
My husband has me worried. As far as I can tell he is suffering depression and his situation just keeps getting worse. I can’t help him and I love him but I also worry about what will happen if he moves out here. I love him but I don’t want to be unhappy, I spent so much time being unhappy I don’t want to go back. the problem is he is so pessimistic and negative and I don’t know how or if he can be pulled out of this. He somewhat has to choose to and I don’t know if he will, if he doesn’t then it is just going to make me unhappy. I don’t know if we will work out or not and I am at such a great place right now minus the issues with him and it is still a new and fragile thing I don’t want to lose it. I guess it is all just a bunch of fears and I can’t do much but take the same advice I give him, face my fears. I just have to see what he decides and see where it goes, hopefully it goes well but that is really all his choice.
Pain…
I feel…horrible. We did PT today, first day back and the first day in a week or two and we did tough PT. Tons of push ups, tons of sit ups and the long run. I am excited that I can run a mile straight but today I pushed myself hard. Now my knees are hurting…bad. I think the last time they hurt like this was back in tech school when I was first put on my waiver and recovering. I’m sure it’s not that bad and hopefully will fade withing a day or two but for now I am in pain. My back is also hurting, I think that is again from the extra hard running and my big…personality…causes some problems. Not to mention I am exhausted and have had a migraine all day. I don’t know why, I have eaten, I slept and I am not super stressed, it’s just one of those days.
I actually had stuff to do today! I taught both classes and surprisingly I seem to be over me fear of teaching. I think part of it from before was being judged because I had some of my coworkers sitting in specifically to judge me. Now it’s my class, they have to sit there and I have done it before without problems. Not to mention that they aren’t really paying attention anyway, they all just want to get out of there, they don’t care what I am saying. I guess overall I am just used to it now I just have to improve, figure out jokes to make and ways to make it fun. I also had some stuff that I had to get back into order after being gone and that is continuing tomorrow so I have stuff to do then. It’s nice to actually be useful have stuff to do.
Hehe, my cat just spent the last 5 or 10 minutes chasing his tail and is now curled up and passed out on the floor. I had the best sunset I have seen in a long time tonight and I am just relaxing on my couch watching Ron White, I may be in pain but I love my life.
Sorry for the Delay…
Been a while since I posted and I am kind of surprised to see I still have some daily views, nifty. I love page views and seeing that people actually read, it’s just kind of fun and lets me know that I am at least kind of sort of interesting (sometimes at least).
I don’t know where I have been really, I just haven’t been online. I guess I just got into a mood that I didn’t want to play in the virtual world for a bit. I have been slowly but surely getting various stuffs together. I got my cat the shots he needs so he can be boarded and now both fluffies will be dropped off this weekend. I also got the certificates that state that both cats are neutered for my apartments so I have a cheaper pet deposit. My mom sent the money she owed me and some extra so now I can afford to eat, board the cats, pay the pet deposit and do what I have to do. Thank you mommy, I love you lots and appreciate it (she won’t read that, she doesn’t know about this blog but I promise you all I have told her that and she is aware of it).
Other than that it has just been work, running around stressing out and going crazy like everyone does before a major inspection. I have been promoted (kind of, not in rank yet) and have gone from supervised instructor to just an instructor. My supervisor evaluated the last class I taught which was only the second one I have taught and gave me the passing grade that lets me teach on my own now. I still have stuff that needs work but it is just stuff that comes in time. I also have more responsibilities at work now, a bunch of things that go into the training stuff and it’s kind of nice. I actually have a job and am making a place for myself. I still may not be doing a lot but I am finally doing something and slowly gaining more.
As far as socializing I got out last night with some people and it was fun. I was the DD and I am glad I was. Drinking has never been my thing but I am a people watcher and watching people drink and be drunk is hilarious. They got to shots after going through a couple beers and the conversations going around were awesome, some of those buzzed/drunk conversations that are too random to come up sober. We are having another party in a couple weeks so I am looking forward to it.
I booked my plane tickets back to Cali for the holidays. I guess the house is going to look completely different when I get there so I am excited, I like new and different things. Apparently they also have a lot to do to it though, they just found a couple of termite infestations so they have to tent and fix what is trashed. Hopefully everything will be put together by the time I get back. I decided to not cut the trip short and miss my family’s big dinner and I am happy about that. I am looking forward to it and one day, eventually I will pay for it. Maybe this year I can figure out how much it is (without being rude about it, I will have to try to be sneaky) and figure out how much to save for whenever I host. I also have to sort through all of the rest of my stuff when I get there so that I can figure out how much I still have to move up here. I love my husband but from what I can tell he totally half assed the packing and now I have to hassle with it anyway. It was something I really wanted to avoid, the Air Force was taking care of it so I wanted to just let them but in the end I am still moving myself. Bah, whatever. If he decides to move up here then he can pack it all up and move it and I will just sort it when it gets here.
That’s pretty much it, really not a very interesting bunch of stuff. I had a bunch of epiphanies a couple of days ago and I was so ready to write some amazing post but I lost it. By the time I had finished work and driven home I had no motivation left and my mind had lost some of what I wanted to write. I am hoping it hits again this weekend and I can put out something interesting for everyone before I take off for the week. Topics anyone? Questions? Anything? Guess we will just have to see what I can come up with…
What a Pity
Aw, my weekend is almost done, it’s kind of sad. I am not too excited to start this next week becuase it is the start of stress and insanity. Then again the sooner I start the sooner I get it out of the way and move on to better days. I start teaching tomorrow. I am nervous but I think tomorrow I will just sit down and try to figure out more about the material and how I will teach it. I have a couple of hours before my class so that should be enough time hopefully. I can’t wait until I am at the point where I am used to teaching and ready for it, bleh.
I cooked Asian chicken and bean sprouts a couple of nights ago, it was so yummy. It has been way to long since I had that. I have some extra edamames that I will be munching on for a bit too, yay. Once I finished that off I moved on to tonight’s meal, sloppy joe’s and cous cous. An odd combination but still good, the random combinations are just what happens when you are trying to be on a budget. I went to the store and probably spent more on cat food and cat litter than actual food, the little fat fuzzballs better be happy.
And the rest of my life continues as normal, still having troubles with my marriage, we fight we figure something out, make a little progress and then sit. I got to hang out with a friend a bit on Saturday, it was interesting. I left a little early but it was two couples and I was a fifth wheel and it was a bummer so I headed home. They were getting all mushy together and it made me think about everything, I am so worried we won’t ever get that back. I am just worried in general. Plus, both the couples I was with were overcoming some major issues from what I could tell but they were still there together working it out. I, on the other hand, am here while he is in Cali. I am sure he has to work on his own issues but ugh, I just can’t get over the idea that when there are problems like this you work together to make it better. I worry that we won’t get better, there is no guarantee’s especially because I may know how I feel but I really don’t know how he feels and I don’t know what is causing his problems in the first place. Will we both be able to overcome the walls and blocks we have put up and all of the fears and everything else? I know that I am all sorts of screwed up since all of this started which just adds to everything. I know that worrying won’t help anything but I am sure I am going to worry forever now. We used to be so happy, I wasn’t worried that we wouldn’t end up together, yes we had our problems but we were doing ok and most of them seemed to stem from our situation, once that got better we were supposed to be golden. He didn’t tell me what was going on, he didn’t tell me the truth and now I don’t know, even if we do end up together, if I can fully trust him again. Every time he says he loves me I will question it and I will wonder and think, it’s not pure love anymore and I don’t know if it ever will be again and that hurts a lot.
No use worrying now if I can avoid it I suppose, just have to make it to December…
When Plans Fall Through
Today I was supposed to go hang out with some friends at the golf course while they drank and played. I was mainly going to be there as a designated driver for them and I was going to get crazy amounts of entertainment out of it. Considering i really didn’t have much else to do it sounded like a good deal. Those plans unfortunately fell through, one of the guys had a family emergency and everyone else decided to just be lazy instead. That’s fine by me, honestly, the guy who had the emergency was the really funny one of the group and he amplified the funny of the other guy I know so it would have been a lot less fun if he weren’t there. I ended up cleaning, like super cleaning. I moved the catbox which I had wanted to do for a while, I just wasn’t sure where to put it. unfortunately that is the down side to cats and the down side to a smaller apartment. I ended up just shoving it in the guest bathroom and whenever I have guests I care about I will shuffle it somewhere else. I want to get a cover for it so it looks like an extra table thing and covers the cat box but I am, for the moment, broke; the guest bathroom will just have to do.
I scrubbed my bathroom, got all the cat litter and cat food (my cats are fat and messy) vacuumed, scrubbed my kitchen and am now doing laundry. I need to wash all of my blankets still and vacuum my room but other than that I am pretty much done. I also managed to go shopping, I got breakfast stuff finally and have some stuff for dinner. Tonight I am making chicken and bean sprouts with rice and some veggies I think. It should be good, the chicken is marinading now and will for about four hours, then it shouldn’t take too long to cook hopefully. I haven’t made the bean sprouts in a really long time so I hope they turn out right but I figured my mom bought me a wok I better use it.
Once everything is clean and food is cooked I have nothing to do but sit back and enjoy my weekend. this was the day that I got everything done so the next two can just be enjoyed before a high stress few weeks of work. I start fully teaching entire classes next week, I am excited and nervous, I need to sit and look over everything I need to teach. I tend to get through my lessons really quick, I think it is just a lack of experience and time with the subject matter. Not to mention I like to just cut to the chase and get through it, I am pretty sure the people don’t really want to be in the class and don’t really pay attention anyway. Why not just give them the information they need and send them on their way? No reason to fluff it up in my opinion. Whatever, hopefully I will learn to stretch it out because I think I have to but I will just have to see how it goes for the first few classes. I also have to try to be funny and out going right off the bat. I usually have to get to know people before I get the way, that let’s me guage them and judge their humor and personality. I guess I just have to learn to do that instantly or figure out how to make it all funny in a way everyone can be happy with.
Also in the next few weeks we are going to be getting ready for this crazy inspection exercise thing. Everybody is already stressing and going crazy and if last time was any judge people are just going to get more and more panicked and crazy until it is all over. I can’t wait until it is though, partly because everyone will be stressing less but also because I haven’t actually seen my shop and base out of this high stress mode. This is apparently the insane year where we get hit by everything important and major so it will be interesting to see what happens once everything is calmed down.
Interesting times are ahead but for now, I will enjoy the peace.
