The Smell of the Seasons
There is a certain something that goes with the burning hazelnut candle on my coffee table, cuddling in a warm blanket and watching a dark movie like Interview with a Vampire with the lights down and the feeling of fall all around. I have a peace that I have not felt in a long time, hubby is at work and I can’t wait for him to get home and join me in this wonderful mood.
It is that amazing time of year where the feeling of everything starts to change, the trees take on the colors of fire and their leaves fall like snow, the smell in the air is one of spices and autumn and the holidays are coming around. We will have Halloween coming very soon with all of the childish fun and excitement it brings, kids dressed in cute little outfits, tons of candy, fun decorations and scary entertainment. I have movies picked out on netflix set for a movie marathon should that be the choice for Halloween night or I may go to a party or out with friends, there are so many options. Then there will be Thanksgiving, the first Thanksgiving with my husband in Washington as well as the first I can do anything. Last year I had my wisdom teeth pulled the day before but this year our shop is thinking of getting together and having a shop Thanksgiving meal for those of us not going home. A fun group gathering for our odd little family. Then the smooth transition into the winter holidays, the subtle change of scents from cozy heavy smells you want to wrap yourself in and make you hungry to the wintery fresh scents that make you feel like you are walking through a pine forest or unwrap presents under the Christmas tree. Christmas will be a wonderful experience I hope. This will be one away from my family with just hubby and I creating our own traditions. we can decorate our own tree and unwrap presents with just us on Christmas morning. Family is always nice to have around but there is something to be said about a nice Christmas with just the hubby and I. Can we all tell that I am excited for this time of year? Summer used to be my favorite season but I think I have grown into a lover of fall and winter, I think I am equally in love with each.
I have been doing laundry on and off through out the day and cleaned up a bit here and there. The house still looks cluttered and a bit messy and we still have boxes all around and have way too much stuff but we are finally making it a home. It is really the little things that make somewhere a home, just small things probably different to each person that makes a place feel comfy and lived in. Hopefully over the next bit of time we can sort the boxes, donate a bunch of stuff and really get everything settled. We are so close and that just adds to the awesome feeling.
We also had a minor epiphany not long ago. It is something that we had vaguely realized before but it really hit home recently. I was in Hawaii for just over a week and while I was there had no real reason to spend any money. When I got home I realized just how much was left in my bank account and how much we screw around and waste money. I got back and we could actually do things and have fun! We went out yesterday to see Jo Koy perform because I found out the day of that he was in the area and actually had money for tickets. We had the money to buy lights and a coffee table to help with our home, we could actually do what we wanted without being afraid that we couldn’t pay bills! It is a great feeling and hopefully one that can keep up. When we discovered how much extra there was we did the calculations and saw how much we could have, not enough to be rich by any means but enough for us young adults to live a life and enjoy it. Now I am planning to settle in tonight and budget and hopefully get a lot of our old debts paid faster and get rid of them and still balance everything and have fun, that is the goal at least. I think I will also start cooking a bit more at home, or maybe strike a deal with my husband, he cooks the 2 days he has off, I cook the 2 I have off and we can eat cheap food or leftovers the other three days. With us living so close to work we are already saving a ton on gas, especially since he works really close to me so we have managed to cut down a decent amount of spending so far. The whole idea of getting things paid off and potentially having money really makes me happy and excited and that excitement seemed to have finally hit my dear hubby.
Stale
My life has grown stale, I am always bored and always tired and I feel trapped. I feel like there is nothing to do, what do I do to enjoy life again? All I have are video games and TV, books and other things that keep me trapped in the house. I don’t want to go out to bars, that just isn’t me and I don’t have a lot of money but there has to be stuff to do even without money. I can look around at other people, check out pictures on facebook and everyone is enjoying themselves while I just sit here and wait. Life is passing me by because I just can’t quite figure out how I am supposed to jump in in a way that I enjoy. Have I not found the right friends? The right people to hang out with always make a big difference. I don’t know what it is but I need to change things soon because this just isn’t what it is supposed to be.
Easter Egg Bust
Blarg! I am broke again…eventually this will stop happening. I think we have our system worked out, we just have to clear up the mess from the end of last month and hopefully it makes everything smoothed out and good. I also probably could have not bought the stuff for hubby’s Easter basket but I didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day because I was so broke and it bothered me, I like having the traditions and always being able to give something for the holidays so I wanted to make sure to do something and not miss a something special again…even if it is not a lot of money put into it and a little skimpier than usual, it is still at least something.
It’s another weekend! I slept until noonish today…probably not the smartest thing but it was nice. I originally intended to get all of my cleaning done today so that tomorrow would be just relaxing with hubby since we both have the day off…I failed. I have cleaned some, dishes are done (mostly) and counters are scrubbed and I am in the process of washing the sheets and blankets. Luckily today I think I might actually remember to flip the mattress when hubby gets home, we keep meaning to do it but never manage to remember. And even though I really intended to do way more than that I got caught on Farmville in facebook and watching the mass amounts of episodes of NCIS I have recorded on the DVR, I am kind of pitiful but weekends are for relaxing.
Last night we got out a bit, they had an adult easter egg hunt at some new soccer fields down the street. It wasn’t so much of a hunt like we really thought it would be, it was pretty much a throw all of the eggs on the field and when they say go everyone runs to grab what they can. Honestly it was really disappointing, we were all crammed together but managed to be second row back, when we were released the first row pretty much grabbed everything. Hubby managed to snag one egg which had a couple of candies and a gift certificate to a place down the street for a month of some sort of martial art, I might go check it out soon and see if the certificate works for adults or just for kids. The hunt was a bummer but we ended up going to hang out with some of the friends we went with to the bar. We relaxed, hung out and played pool, it was a pretty nice night.
It’s Getting Better!
Yay, people were wrong! I had some people saying that I would be more sore today than yesterday but I seem to actually be getting better. I am still really sore, mainly my butt which makes it hard to sit or move, but I am getting better and that is what is important!
Hubby and I went out last night, just to play some pool at the bar across the street. He has gone there a couple times now and pretty much has befriended the whole bar already, he wanted me to meet some of his new friends. I got to meet a couple of them and they were actually pretty awesome, really nice people who were fun and actually seemed happy to meet me. I was actually told that I don’t really have an option, I have to be there for the pool tournament on Thursday night to hang out with one of the girls while our boys play. It actually makes me pretty happy, people don’t usually really care if I am there or not, usually it is just kind of a meh thing but apparently they like me, guess I did something right. I will admit I kind of forced myself out of my shell a bit more when I met them and I guess it worked in a good way. Yay for me breaking out of my shell a bit more and progressing myself! The only problem is I think I need to learn how to stay up a bit later and still be alive and functioning the next day, I think it may be worth it for some new friends and some happy fun times.
Sick…
Ugh…hubby is sick. Not flu type sick just really bad cold. He is coughing a ridiculous amount which makes it so he can’t fall asleep until about 4 in the morning. So much for trying to get our sleep schedules to sync up. For the past couple of nights he has also been sleeping on the couch so he doesn’t wake me up, it is understandable, I am a really light sleeper and I need the sleep, it just sucks. Whatever, not like he was going to sleep with me anyway so I didn’t get to cuddle or anything, he just randomly shows up in the middle of the night, wakes me up while he gets in to bed and tries to talk to me then falls asleep.
I am frustrated. I am ridiculously broke right now, like literally I have budgeted down to my last dollar and though technically I have money in my account it is already spoken for. I write out a check every month to the same guy and it takes him forever to cash it but I am not going to spend the money hoping he won’t, therefor, I am broke. This also means I am stuck at home which could be nice except my apartment is jam packed with stuff and hubby and I aren’t doing anything, no connection no fun. He picks up his computer and is lost. As soon as he grabs his I grab mine and that is how the night progresses until I go to sleep. I was irritated last night and told him about it and here I sit tonight in the same situation. He got a message from someone he hasn’t talked to in years so that is why he said he has been on so long, fine, whatever.
Kudos to him for starting to wash the blankets and sheets (he needed to so he could get the cat hair off of them and hopefully sleep in the room tonight) but seriously if you are going to do that just freaking do it. Don’t let the crap sit in the washer and dryer while you are playing online with whomever especially when I specifically said before I was even close to coming home that I would be taking over the washer and dryer when I got home. GRR! I hate this, one thing gets me frustrated then it all builds up and now I am just in a horrible mood and I can’t even cuddle up in bed and go to sleep because dear hubby couldn’t finish the stupid blankets. URG! I need a vacation…
Facebook Niftyness!
Ha, I have just recently discovered that my flight from basic has a group on facebook, kind of nifty I must say. It is nice to talk to them all again and reconnect, basic was a tough time but it was a good time for me and I miss a lot of the people. Good times, good memories and good people though I am glad I am not there anymore.
I think I am getting sick or something. I woke up with a nasty kink in my neck…or something is pinched, I’m not really sure of anything except it hurts. Then through out the day I have just gotten worse, I feel a bit clouded in general and a little snuffly and stuffy with a sore throat and a headache. I really hope it doesn’t get any worse, I really really hope it just goes away by tomorrow.
I have tomorrow off, yay Saturday, but I am teaching on Sunday again. Not too bad because I get an extra day of but I have discovered my supervisor would have given me the day of anyway so that I could unpack the uhaul and get fully moved. Oh well, hopefully it will be a while before I end up doing this again and it looks good that I volunteer for the extra stuff, right? Meh, Make it through the four hours of class and then I get a day off. This week will hopefully pass quickly. Monday is PT so it’s short, Tuesday will probably just be boring, and Wednesday hubby picks up the Uhaul and packs up! Then Thursday he is driving and I have Friday off and he will hopefully be here Friday so yay! He is thinking he will be able to make the drive in one day. Supposedly it is like a 17 hour drive straight up and that’s if nothing is closed off for weather and without bad traffic. His plan is to leave super freaking early in the morning and just keep driving until he gets here. I figure if he can make it that way he would get in at maybe 11ish at night? If he can’t it will still hopefully have him coming in Friday afternoon so we can get some stuff unloaded then spend a nice weekend hopefully relaxing. I think we will have to get a storage unit, at least for a bit until he can get his work thing straightened out and get his tool box taken there. That tool box is a pain that will follow us forever, too bad it is so necessary and too bad I am in a third floor apartment. I should have tried to get a first floor but I just didn’t want to move all of my stuff again. Hopefully after six months we will move or something but I doubt it. By that time we should have extra money floating around but we probably won’t have had the chance to save much. Probably be here for a year-ish unless the military moves me, bleh. Oh well, worries for a later time.
They are starting to break.
Sitting around with hubby watching movies. The last couple of days have been pretty fun. The last couple of nights were spent drinking and playing pool. The first night was more just drinking and fun at a bar with pool and last night was more of hanging out and just relaxing. We spent time with some friends who were nice to catch up with and I finally found a cocktail that I like. I have reached a point where I have finally started to let go of a lot of my inhibitions and issues. I still need to gain more self confidence and work on it a little more but I have made progress I am really happy about. Honestly I think I have broken down walls without realizing I had done it but they were good walls to break. Even hubby is excited that I broke those walls down and it has been making things work a lot smoother between us and that gives me hope that we will get through our issues and become what we want to be. Overall there is still a lot of work, a lot of personal issues and struggles to get through and much progress to be made but over the past couple of days I have become more confident that we can make that progress.
Trickery…
Taught classes today, I was tricked, I thought there was only one but apparently there were two. Still, not a bad deal, teach a couple classes and get a day off. I must admit, however, I am extremely tired of teaching classes, only one more next week and I am done for a little while and then after that I shouldn’t be teaching 2 a day again for a while. Now I will take my day of so I can prepare to go home, woot! I am still trying to figure out what my sister and I are doing for my mom’s Christmas gift but she hasn’t responded about it, guess I just have to bug her some more. I also have a friend who is super excited to hang out when I get back so we will see how that goes.
I am down to 4 days before I leave for home. I am excited but nervous, I couldn’t stop thinking last night which made it so it took forever to get to sleep. Hubby says he should have an answer by the time I get there rather than when I leave so I am looking forward to just ending all of the confusion and nonsense. I know I have said that a lot but it is just more and more on my mind the closer I get. I am worried about the answer and yet not, I know I will be ok either way and both paths cause their own stresses and at this point I don’t know if one is any better than the other. Ugh, it will be done soon and then I will finally have progress to report to the great wide internets…
New People…Old Problems…
Blah, tired of the stupid holes! The little squirter thing works luckily but it’s still annoying to have to use the stupid thing all the time. Whatever, hopefully I never have to deal with anything like this again…
Got the next season of Desperate Housewives, woot! I am watching it now so yay for no more boredom.
We got our new girl at work today and thankfully she seems to be pretty cool so far. I haven’t really had a lot of time to talk to her but she we went to lunch and talked. Turns out she is my age, married and has been through her marriage struggles as well. Unfortunately I think I am going to be out of the group, my supervisor and her husband will probably hang out with the new girl and hers and seeing how my husband is MIA I am the 5th wheel. I am really getting so tired of this. Either I am single or I am married, this limbo BS is getting extremely tiring. Ugh, and if he does move up here then what? Then we work on things and he pulls the same crap as always? I am not sure I have much faith in him anymore and I don’t know about our marriage. I am tired of trying to be sane while he has his freak outs or acts like a stupid child or does something stupid and painful to me. He doesn’t think and he doesn’t even seem to care. It hurts so bad that he could do this to me and he doesn’t even seem to care, do I want him back?
Don’t be so sensitive…
So I think the mouth wash stuff they prescribed to me may be making my teeth sensitive. I also think I have been using it a bit to much because I think I burned the tip of my tongue? Not pleasant so soon I think I may switch to salt water mix or listerine. I also finally got the syringe thing I kept hearing about so that can clean out the holes. I used it, it seems to work so far so yay! I can eat. I think I am still going to stick to softer foods for a while and at work it will still be stuff that I don’t have to worry about cleaning out of the holes. That is just an extra hassle I don’t need at work plus I don’t want to bring that syringe thingy everywhere with me. The Dentist said everything is healing well and it should take about 4-6 weeks for the holes to completely close. A pain but at least there is an end in sight, only another 3-5 weeks left…
I am finally at a point where I am no longer the only one teaching classes. I guess it has been decided that I have had enough training and done enough that the office can go back to normal rotation. I am happy because I was getting a bit tired of being the only one teaching. To be fair I still don’t have my days filled with stuff to do but it just gets tedious. Anyway, I have gotten some good kudos about my teaching so I am happy. I also officially put in for my leave and it has been approved so I am all set to go back to Cali for the holidays, woot! On the not so great side of things I have to drive a coworker to the airport at 3 in the morning on Friday. This guy gets the worst possible flights, I swear. I guess I can’t complain, I volunteered because it means I get money (technically it is gas money but he gives more than what it actually takes so I make a little and I need it) and now he will owe me a favor….well a couple, I have to pick him up at 1130 at night on his return. I kind of like people owing me favors, it is usually comes back nicely in one way or another.
My husband has me worried. As far as I can tell he is suffering depression and his situation just keeps getting worse. I can’t help him and I love him but I also worry about what will happen if he moves out here. I love him but I don’t want to be unhappy, I spent so much time being unhappy I don’t want to go back. the problem is he is so pessimistic and negative and I don’t know how or if he can be pulled out of this. He somewhat has to choose to and I don’t know if he will, if he doesn’t then it is just going to make me unhappy. I don’t know if we will work out or not and I am at such a great place right now minus the issues with him and it is still a new and fragile thing I don’t want to lose it. I guess it is all just a bunch of fears and I can’t do much but take the same advice I give him, face my fears. I just have to see what he decides and see where it goes, hopefully it goes well but that is really all his choice.
