One stress down…
Oh dear, life is so complicated. I keep waiting for it to smooth out and become easier but maybe it just isn’t meant to but I wish at least certain parts would. Hopefully it all pans out soon, I don’t want to have to make those really tough painful decisions but I may have to, who knows.
One stress down, I passed my PT test I had been stressing out over, I actually passed with an excellent. They were a lot less strict on push ups than I thought they would be so I got 29 that counted and I have very definitely improved my run time. My last PT test I got a 15 minute mile and a half run, this time I got a 13:52, it took six months to cut off the extra time but that is the best run time I have ever gotten in my life and I am really proud of it even if other people may think it is a slow time. The biggest thing is now, because I got an excellent, I don’t have to test for a year and I am not stressing about it anymore. I am going to spend the next year continuing to get in shape so I don’t have to worry about it ever again. I have lost weight and I want to continue with that but more than that I just want to get into shape. I am looking in to martial arts, I think it would be fun and get me in shape, my problem is I have to trick myself with exercise, I can’t sit in front of a DVD for an hour, or even 20 minutes, I get bored and I just don’t want to do it but if I think it is a fun thing I will gladly do it. I was thinking of biking to work but I tried that the other day and I certainly got a workout but it is kind of scary around here, there are lots of places with no sidewalks or bike lanes and people really aren’t shy about getting close to a biker. Not to mention the hills in my area are killer, it really sucked.
Other than some random things life is ok, money is still tight but is a bit better than it was. I need to get a new phone and I have decided that I am not skimping this time, every phone I have gotten before has been the cheapest I could get with a new contract, free or $20. This time I want to get a good phone so I am going to make my next couple of weeks really tight and finally get my Iphone I have wanted. AT&T seems to be the best company to get signal where I work (at least there will be something compared to my Tmobile with nothing in any building I have to go to) so the good phone there is the Iphone for all those people who think they aren’t as good as others. I am not sure which one I should get though, the newest 4G or the 3GS, I could save money but get niftier stuff with the new one. I guess I will just decide when I actually get to the store, hopefully by Tuesday I will finally have it.
Warning: Rough Times Ahead
Been a long time since I wrote anything, I just haven’t really been in a blogging mood, I am struggling and it sucks. I finally got the whole move thing squared away, we got out of the old apartment though it was a fight to do it, move day was hell, a couple of people bailed, there was a ton of drama and it was just ridiculous. It took pretty much the entire week that we had left at the old apartment to get it all cleared out and a lot of help from friends. There were some stressful days, long nights with a little bit of hanging out mixed in. We had some friends show up who saved the day and helped with everything and had they not it probably would have gone very badly. I thought that I was going to end up getting charged by the old apartment for general damage, my cats ripped up some carpet and the blinds but I actually ended up getting like $2 back…not much but I am happy I got anything back. They charged us for some random things that I think are BS, apparently the fridge needed a new shelf for some strange reason and I think they charged us for a new door somewhere, I’m not sure why but that is what the deposit was for.
Work is a fight, I thought I was doing well and at least on track but apparently I fell behind somewhere and didn’t notice. I had a really rough week back and forth with my supervisor but I think I am finally doing ok. I have been busting my ass for a while and I am hoping that means good things. Of course none of that really matters if I can’t pass my PT test which I am really worried about. I thought I was ok for a while but then everyone started telling me my push ups werent low enough and if I can’t get the minimum number required going down far enough then I flat out fail and that really worries me. Failing a PT test could ruin everything and so I am really nervous. I am trying to get it covered and taken care of but my test is coming up really soon and I am just not sure. I will just have to keep working as hard as I can and hopefully it all comes together for me.
I have a bunch of other crap going on in my life but that just isn’t worth putting on here. Generally life is really sucking right now but I am trying to get it back together and going where it needs to again. Everyone out there should wish me luck, I think I have a lot of tough times coming up…
Update
This is just a bit of an update, I am a very lucky person. A couple of friends from my shop lent me the money I needed for a deposit so yesterday I got to fill out the application and secured the last apartment the complex had available. My application is in the process of running through now and then from there I can make my deposit and if all goes to plan I will be moving in at the end of the month. I am still going to be ridiculously tight on money, moving costs and everything is going to be hard to manage but I WILL make this work. I will suck it up and be tight on money this month to free up tons of money every month after and live in a better place all around. I have also thought that I may start biking to work, it looks like it may be about a 6 mile ride which will take a lot of time so I have to get up early in the morning but it would get me in better shape and solve some of these carpool/gas issues we have been having lately and maybe save even more money. The more I think of it the happier I am with this place and its location. Hopefully this means things are finally turning around for me.
Tsunami worries…
I am 136.7 pounds! Woot! I love actually losing weight, it feels so good and what is even better is actually being able to see a difference in my body. I didn’t used to feel like I could see much of a difference, at least not where I wanted there to be but right now, I see a difference. I am super excited. So to mix in with losing the weight I have started something for toning which will also be helping lose weight…my secret? Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred…it is kicking my butt. I have had it for three days and unfortunately I have only been able to use it for 2, the other day time just didn’t allow for it at all, but just in the 2 days I have lost more weight than before and I have been hurting! It is quick 20 minute workouts that you look at and don’t think they would do too much or hurt too bad but they do. I am just using level on for a bit then I will start level two and probably mix in one and two to keep my body from getting too used to anything. I really like Jillian Michaels and I stumbled across the 30 day shred a couple of times but this last time I actually checked it out and saw nothing but positive reviews (ok, so there were negatives but they were from people who hadn’t actually tried it and were just upset about trainers in general being on DVD’s and saying they never work and are just stupid, I don’t count those) and the reviews talking about people who after 2 or 3 weeks had seen big changes and were losing inches already. It wasn’t just one person who said that, it was a bunch so I figured I wanted to tone and I wanted a good workout and all it really needed was hand weights so why not? I am so far glad I made the choice. Even hubby was watching the workout yesterday and he was surprised. We ended up scrolling through the other exercises and he is going to try it, he is going to adjust it to make it harder, use level 3 first then just start doing all of them together, but he still thinks it will be something good to try. He is only going to use it for about a month until he can get a hold of his P90X but the fact remains he is going to try my girly DVD so it obviously can’t be too bad.
As ever I am broke. I am tired of being broke but hubby has said that he will start chipping in more to me since I am paying our bills. He can’t afford a lot but at this point anything really helps. He is kind of bummed because it means he won’t really be able to save but part of that is because of a big payment of his we have to make, hopefully after that final payment in June we will both actually be able to save. We also hopefully are still on track to have the stupid extra car payment paid off by November which will give us a lot of extra money so I am excited. I also have a debt of mine getting paid off in June, it is small, only $50 a month but even that little bit helps. Part of the problem is gas…gas money is killing us. We have to get me to work and then also take him to work and switch the car in between somehow because he usually gets out way later than I do. I usually end up just getting off of work and going to his work and just hanging out at his shop for a couple of hours until he is off so I don’t use a ton of gas going home. Luckily he is at a shop that is in the mall so I am going to start bringing a change of clothes so I am not spending all of my time in uniform and then I will go wander the mall or something. I can’t really shop but hopefully I can keep myself busy for some hours. There are game stores and electronics stores and housewares stores and I am still trying to hunt down a kitchen store because I could lose myself in one of those for a long time but there doesn’t seem to be one. I am also reading, yay books! I have missed them.
Speaking of books…I finally have time to read them! Can anyone guess why? I finally took the stupid test! I no longer have to study for it! Unfortunately I only got an 85% and I really was hoping for a 90% minimum but I still passed. I just was so angry about not doing better, the practice tests I was taking I had been getting 95% for the most part and I was confident. It seems that review questions should give a person a fairly good idea of areas they actually need to study and some of the important things and yes they did that a lot, however, a large chunk of questions were out of absolutely nowhere. There had been no real concentration on them or even vague mention of them, I was asked them on the test and wondered if they had even been in the books! I was really unhappy at myself for not doing better but it is done now and I can relax. Now I am looking toward taking some college classes and getting my CCAF associate’s degree. I have kind of missed college classes so hopefully it will be fun plus I should be close to my associate’s anyway with the classes I took before. I have to wait a couple of months for my transcript to get sent in and for them to process it and once that is done I can really see where I am.
And now the event of the day: I woke up this morning to a call from hubby saying call your mother, there was an earthquake in the Pacific and they are going to get hit by a tsunami (further search of the news it was an 8.8 in Chile if anyone hasn’t heard yet). Wonderful! (sarcasm people, I don’t actually think it is wonderful so don’t take it wrong and think I am horrible) So I try calling my mom and her phone goes straight to voicemail so I call her house. Her husband answers and let me know she is at her new apartment building but very nicely without me even saying anything he tells me they are not really in a tsunami area and should be safe with no worries. I was happy to hear it and thanked him but called my mom anyway. She said pretty much the same thing, supposedly her part of the island hasn’t really gotten hit badly before and she isn’t worried about it, there are sirens going off on the Marine base but that is about it and it makes sense for the military to be on high alert with something that could be so potentially damaging , they need to be ready to offer assistance if necessary. As I said, my mom wasn’t worried at all, I got off the phone with her so she could go on about her day and the construction on the apartment. After that I called hubby back who tells me there is warning all across the west coast, awesome! (sarcasm again) so I flip on the news check out the internet and it looks like anything that hits the coast shouldn’t be too bad, mainly they are worried about harbors and the boats and whatnot in the water. Whatever the case I sent a text to my sister telling her she had better be ok since she is so close to the water and to let me know especially after 1235 which is when they are saying it should be the last time for the tsunami to hit. Who knows, it is Saturday and she may be asleep and she might just sleep through it, here’s hoping it really won’t be that bad.
Week from HELL!
It started this last weekend, my cat passed away. This fat fuzzball has been with me for so long and through everything, he was my company when I got out here and was all alone and I loved him so much and he was happy and healthy. Hubby got home and Wicker ran up to him happy as usual then about 10 minutes later I was just getting out of the shower and hubby called me because something was wrong. We rushed him to the emergency vet but they said nothing could be done, it was pretty much instant. Apparently it was either some sort of cardiac something or a blood clot, something that is quick and not preventable and apparently happens with cats. It hit me hard and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to let go and mourn and move on, I don’t even think I have dealt with my dad’s death, I just don’t know how to handle it all and it takes so much energy.
Then I get to work and this week has just been long even though we had Monday off. We are having a lot of our policies undermined and it is making things a lot harder on us for stupid reasons and because people cry too much. Then with joint basing we are getting caught up in the middle and are getting so messed up. Also, a new thing has been implemented that Friday, which used to be our shop PT day and was my favorite because it was more relaxed and I could actually concentrate on what I needed to improve personally, is now a “wing run” day. So, now our entire wing which is a ridiculous amount of people must all find parking and meet in a specific spot, run 2 miles (thankfully not in formation and at our own pace) and then all try to shower and change in the small locker rooms…or some can go back to their shops if they are lucky enough. The logistics are going to be stupid. There is also a rumor that Tuesday’s and Thursday’s will be shop PT which means 5 days of PT…I am hoping the shop PT works out in my favor but we will see, that is still a lot of PT and a lot of time that I was happy with that is being taken away. I also discovered a couple of days ago that I have to work this Saturday doing something stupid, the one day I had all to myself without hubby and the one day we could save on some gas because we wouldn’t have to mess with switching the car around and drive back and forth so many times…
Also, got into a massive fight with hubby. I had my thoughts that I was thinking were right and I thought I was going the right direction and I thought things were stable and then I got the rug pulled out from under me. I got all turned about and some things I thought I had right I didn’t and some things I am going back and thinking maybe my opinion was inaccurate before and I am just spending a lot of time second guessing and now going over stuff I thought I had already dealt with and having to look at it again and try to find some other new perspective. It sucks, I am so tired and ready to be done with the problems and just get to the happy.
We are broke…no matter how I budget and how prepared I am some extra expense always pops up and makes us so stupid broke. I had things going well with my money and then expense after expense demanded payment. I now can just perfectly cover my bills but I don’t just have my bills. I have other stuff that will be coming out of my account that I don’t know if I have the money to cover. I was counting on hubby to give me the money because they are his expenses that he told me he would pay me back for but he miscalculated. Thankfully he gets paid weekly so I have pretty much decided to just take his entire next check if I have to, I won’t let myself get over drawn or more important bills go unpaid because of his expenses.
Blarg! When does it get better?
Only About 8 Hours To Go!
Woot! Hubby is finally on his way! He left last night but only got a few hours in before he stopped to sleep but he is back to driving now. He is past the Grapevine and my next worry is Mount Shasta since it will be mountain windy roads with possible rain and or snow. He is about 8-9 hours away though so I am excited. All I can say is it is about time! He kept running into a ton of problems when he was packing up the truck and he would call me all upset asking what he was supposed to do. I was just kind of sitting here most of the time wondering what the hell I was supposed to do seeing as I was in Washington. We think we seriously miscalculated the cost to fill up the tank but hopefully he still has enough money to get up here. Once we actually figured out how much it took to fill the tank we recalculated and he should be able to make it…hopefully.
I have just started to clean and get my apartment ready. I figure with another 8 hours it should be fine, this place doesn’t take a lot of cleaning. I just need to actually try to reorganize some stuff on top of the usual cleaning but even that shouldn’t take long because there isn’t a lot of ways to reorganize it. I am going to try to get some clothes out of the way, maybe put my blues and uniform stuff in the hall closet or something since I don’t use them very often, I’m not sure. I need a dreser or some plastic sealable bins to put my out of season clothes in but seeing as we aren’t sure he will have the money to keep up with gas I think I will wait before making any extra purchases.
I think snowboarding for this year is out. We were going to try to go this month but honestly I think it just won’t happen but he seems to be ok with that and even though I really wanted to do it I am fine too. At least I have the pants and jacket so I won’t have to worry about it next year. The plan at the moment seems to be get him here and then he wants to pretty much immediately try to start working again. Hopefully he can work at the shop on base to make carpooling easier but we will have to see. If not then my supervisor has already said it would be fine if I ride with her to work so it will work out one way or the other. Hopefully he can get a job really quick which will be extra money coming in. Obviously he brings in extra bills so if he is bringing in the money to cover them plus some extra it should be nice. On my own I usually have a little bit of extra money to play with so he should have enough to cover himself so we aren’t always stuck in the apartment. Other than that our new goal is to try to eat a lot healthier than we have been which may be hard on a budget but to also work out more. We have the gym in our apartment we may as well take advantage of it. With a little work hopefully we can both get to where we want to be and that will help us be happier in general, I know being more in shape is making me happier in general already so actually getting to where I want to be will be awesome. I actually ran about one and a half to two miles with out stopping the other day and the last time I did that was tech school before my waiver so yay!
Excellence in all we do…
Ugh…I think my washer may be breaking again which is really irritating. Oh well most of my laundry is done and it should last a bit longer plus now that my pet deposit is paid I can get the people in to fix it whenever. Luckily the apartment managers are really good about getting someone out here to fix it the same day.
Back to normal work today…ew. It wasn’t really bad it was just bleh. I had PT which wasn’t too bad, we did stations of different things again today since it was heavier rain, then I ended up on a bike for a bit, nothing too impressive. Work itself was a bit dull, just basics was done fairly early on. I went to get a shot, the final in my HPV set, the other two didn’t hurt but this one felt like I was punched in the arm. Maybe I was tense for some reason? No idea. I also got an email telling me how they are planning to implement the new PT eval requirements and unfortunately it doesn’t work in my favor at the moment. In order to get everyone set up on the new system people who had tested at the end of the year have to retest so because of this they have set up general times. Unfortunately where I would have tested in April and had tons of time to prepare I now test in February sometime. I should be ok if I can get to where I was in basic and if I can improve a little I can probably make excellent which would be kind of awesome. It wasn’t a big deal to me before but now I know I am actually kind of close and I actually want it. I have never been in shape and good with PT before so to get an excellent would be awesome. Anyway, I need to get my run time back down and maybe be better than basic. I had really messed up knees when I ran that eval so hopefully I can do it. I also need to do more push ups. First step with that is probably getting one of the people who evaluates the PT tests to tell me if I am doing the push ups properly, then do what I do in basic. Start with on in perfect form and then each day add another one. It is a slow build up and it is easy enough to push yourself for one more a day. Sit ups I should be good with though I need a stop watch or something so I can make sure I max those out in a minute. The max is 54 and I can do that I just don’t know how long it takes. Other than that is the waist measurement which all I can do is generally core exercises to improve. I don’t have anything to measure with but I haven’t put on any weight since basic or since before I left, I have actually lost some so it stands to reason that my waste measurement is about the same. Then again with my luck it will be worse and I will lose points. I have crunched the numbers and figured out what I need to pass and it shouldn’t be too hard but as I said, I want excellent if I can get it.
bleh…blarg…just a little off
Blah! I am tired…oversleeping maybe? I don’t know but I like sleeping so I am going to keep aiming for a wake up time of noon ish.
I weighed myself on the wii fit this morning and I am excited, I am down to 142.9…I don’t even know when I last weighed that. My goal is to break out of the 140′s entirely sometime hopefully soon-ish. Obviously I have more specific goals that are more oriented toward toning and what I can actually do like how many push ups and stuff, but it would just be cool to see something other than 140. I think in general weight goals though are good guidance aren’t as good as some other ones. I guess it also all depends on what you are going for but a lot of people want that all over toned look and seem to think that will be achieved simply by reaching this magic weight and though some people are that lucky most of the time it takes things other than simple weight loss. Not to mention if you are toning than a specific weight could be an issue because adding muscle causes you to weigh more but still look better and be healthier.
I wish people would be more on the ball. I mailed out a check forever ago and the guy still hasn’t cashed it and it is really bugging me. I like having money in my account that I can actually use rather than constantly having to recalculate and account for this large chunk that is technically spoken for. And I don’t like the idea that if I slightly overspend my check will bounce and that person can’t get their money. It is just extra annoyance and I am about to send him another check and deal with it all over again. Can’t wait until this stupid thing is freaking paid off. I am also trying to account for money properly because we have to get the uhaul and any money that doesn’t go to that I want to try to put toward that car so I need to know what is actually free in my account. Unfortunately I also need a good idea how much gas will cost and I have no idea whatsoever…stupid variables. Whatever the case the uhaul will get here and with it so shall my husband. I am super excited, if it works out right two weeks after however many months of waiting…a year if you want to count since I went to basic…crazy.
I still don’t feel well…I don’t think it has anything to do with alcohol, that time has passed, I just feel weird. Still super lazy but that isn’t totally new, it is cold outside and it just doesn’t seem worth the effort to put on however many layers for dryer sheets. I will just wait until I go to work and just do it all together. But I feel generally odd, like I cant get a comfy temperature at all…one second I am burning hot then I am freezing cold and I am a bit dizzy here and there, nothing big just slightly weird. Meh, I think my body can’t decide if it is over the cold or not…
Happy New Year!
I did not DD. I instead got very drunk. We went out, my friend, her husband and one of his friends and I enjoyed myself. I think by the time we left I had taken 1 shot and was working on my 5th cocktail. Maybe not a lot to many people out there but considering I don’t drink often at all it was enough to get me pretty drunk. We hung out and watched the live band which wasn’t spectacular but they were a cover band so they had a lot of variety of music I knew which made it better. We stayed pretty much until right at midnight then called a taxi to take us home. All in all a very fun night and I think I surprised them by actually drinking and drinking to that point.
So, now comes the traditional New Year’s moment…the resolution, though I don’t entirely like calling them that because it seems that New Year’s resolutions are somewhat created to be broken or have a general idea that they will be. I want to actually make mine stick so it is just general change I am going for I guess, my plan and outline and goals for the new year. One way or the other I must get in shape, that isn’t an option because I have to pass my PT evals, however, I would like to be beyond basic passing of the evals. I would absolutely love to get excellent on my PT test though I don’t know if that will actually happen. That is something that would be nice but I am not going to crazy stress over. I want to get my marriage straightened out and get it to where it should be. Obviously I want us to be happy but that is a very vague desire, I want us stable and I want us to reach a point we haven’t been before. We honestly have always struggled a bit, we were happy but there was fighting and there was trying to change each other and there was stress from one thing or another, I don’t want that. I want us to accept each other, to move on from past hurts and to start fresh with full commitment to making each other happy. My big major goal of this year is to get the stupid Pontiac paid off. It is doable, it may be tight but it is doable if I put extra money from my tax return and other money I have to it. I am excited because short of rent that is the biggest bill I have every month, getting rid of that means I have an extra $285 a month to play with. That is a lot of extra money to have and I want it. As far as work goes I want to pass my test for upgrade training and I want to get an excellent score on that. It will be tough so the basic is passing it but the extra bonus is getting an awesome score, if I manage it I get days off so yay. I also want to set myself up well for putting in my package for below the zone so I can get promoted faster. For now I think that is it for the major goals and ideas, if I think of more I will probably adjust things later but for now that is the plan for 2010. Hope everyone had a great New Year’s party and has an amazing new year!
PS. I have been corrected by my sister, I apologize in my past posts where I wrote resign rather than re-sign, I went back and edited but I may not have caught all of them so while you are reading keep in mind that I re-signed my lease, not resigned it. Love you sis, lol.
